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I hope I haven’t lost a great guy as a result of my act of foolishness. Sigh. I’m scared. It’s been two weeks since the episode of him telling me about loosing the file in my house. His mum has called me several times after our meeting. We spoke and related well those times. I think it’s unhealthy that she finds comfort in me for her daughter but I’m going to indulge her. I think she just needs me. She was the one that informed me that my file had been found. Yanju didn’t even call me. She even invited me to her house but I have not honored it. I don’t want things to be awkward between Yanju and I if we don’t ever get together. I wish I could just speak to her about Yanju. Maybe she would be able to put me through. I just want to be with him. Regardless. I lost a company and I turn against him when he lost a file. He tries his best to give me so much happiness but I don’t even try to give him as much. Jefferson really destroyed my self esteem. I started thinking I was not good enough for Yanju. I’m a strong woman and I really must start thinking like that. Yanju’s mum has made me realise that. An amazon. It takes a strong woman to go through what I have been through. I’m sure Jefferson had a hand in my judgement- my resolve not to let any man in. Especially a man I could love. I can’t exactly say I have forgiven Jefferson but he doesn’t have a hold on me anymore. I think the love in my heart has replaced the bitterness. He will soon get his own. I have been trying to reach Yanju but he just keeps shutting me out. Some days I’m okay but other days I just feel lonely. I just want him to show some interest. I don’t even feel like getting out of bed but I push back the covers after so much deliberation and get out of bed, feeling spacey and kinda depressed. To think this time few weeks ago, I was happy that something was blooming between Yanju and I. In another world—in a parallel universe to this one—I would be waking up today in the arms of Yanju. My phone rings and I check the caller ID, disinterestedly. My heart starts to dance when I see it’s Yanju. I have been so caught up in my assumptions thinking maybe he didn’t care anymore. Maybe he still does but has just been so busy. My first instinct is to pat my hair into place. Like he is seeing me. I shake my head and connect.
“Hello.” I say smilingly.
“Simi. I just called to let you know we have got your company back. You need to come in tomorrow so we can finalize things. Things should go on smoothly onwards.” He says going straight to the point.
“Yanju…” I try my luck again.
“I’m kinda busy here. See you tomorrow.” He says and disconnects.
I put down the phone and sit back. I feel a dissatisfied and unhappy but I don’t know why. Everything’s dandy. I should be happy. So why does it feel like there’s something missing?
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